I sent Hitwoman 19 to my editor on Monday and now I’m working on Hitwoman 20, which is both awesome and anxiety-inducing.

I really love how 19 turned out, but I’m worried that she’ll see something horrible in it (or not in it) that I missed.  I was excited to start working on 20, but since it’s the next in the series, the events of 19 (there’s a BIG event in 19) have a significant impact on what happens in 20.

So it may end up that I’ll have to scrap my work on 20 if she finds a major problem in 19.

In addition to straddling the space between two hitwoman books, I am working slowly and steadily on PCM….which, by itself is also both awesome and anxiety-inducing, lol.

If you’ve read the CONFESSIONS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC HITWOMAN series, you know reporter, Jack Stern (he of the gravelly voice and black leather jacket).

Jack never resonated with readers the way a certain redhead did or a mobster’s nephew has, but I’ve always had a soft spot for him. I keep bringing him back because, being a straight arrow, he’s one of those characters who is challenging for Maggie on many levels.

I spent most of my writing time today trying to get a scene right that takes place with not only him and Maggie, but Delveccio and God. It’s been a little complicated to get the voices and timing right. It’s ALMOST there, but not quite done.

What is done however, is the fused glass bowl I mentioned a week or two ago. I have no artistic talent, but it was still a fun project to do.

Imagine a heavy sigh here.

((SIGH))

Yup, that’s me today. 

I ended up deleting more words than I wrote for Hitwoman 19 after realizing I’d gone off on a tangent  (a FUN tangent) that didn’t help drive the story forward.

Sometimes writing days consist of using the delete button…A LOT.

(And to make matters worse, I made no progress on PCM.)

((SIGH))

Tomorrow is another day to try, try again.

Today I started writing PCM with the line, “I don’t think she meant for us to die doing it.”

It took me almost two years to write these first two pages. Almost two years of the concept rolling around in my head. Almost two years of daily anxiety that I can’t successfully bring the vision in my head to the page.

But I set a start date of today and wrote two pages. I’m both excited and nervous. It’s a strange place to find myself and I wonder how long it will last.

I also wrote two pages of Hitwoman 19. Not exactly the most amazing progress, but it’s been a busy day with various obligations. Tomorrow I’ll have more uninterrupted flow and catch up on word count.

A friend did my Tarot cards for me this afternoon. I pulled “CHAOS” for my present card. (You can’t quite see it since it’s under The Fool.)

Maybe tomorrow won’t be as calm as I’m hoping for, lol!

“Because payment in gold doubloons isn’t a currency used in today’s world”  was one of the lines I wrote as part of the ten pages I churned out today on Hitwoman 19.

“Churned out” is kind of misleading. It would seem to indicate steady, prolonged effort…like churning butter. In reality, I can rarely write for more than sixty to ninety minutes at a time, so these ten pages took three separate writing sessions and two editing sessions.

I’ll edit the last batch of writing tomorrow morning as a way to get back into the story. I always try to leave something unfinished…a half-written sentence or a few pages of edits, so that I can ease back into the magical mindset.

Even though I didn’t write a word about PCM, I spent quite a bit of time worrying about it. For some reason, I can’t settle on the point of view to use to tell the trilogy. It’s causing me anxiety.

Other writing related work that was done today was rereading “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield.

This is one of those books I reread every year. I’ve been thinking of giving it to a writer friend. (This is also one of those books I’ve bought multiple copies of because I tend to recommend it, loan it out, and never get it back.) I’d been hesitating because I didn’t want to come across as pushy, but considering that the phrase “The Art of War” was used in the short story I read by the same friend today, I definitely think I need to share it.

Armani would call that a sign.

in the mouth. That’s the saying, right?

That’s how I feel about inspiration. If it happens to come along, I don’t question it.  I do my best to indulge the muse because who knows when it will be back to visit.

That’s why I only reached half of my word count goal today for Hitwoman 19.

Inspiration struck for PCM and I spent wayyyyy more time scribbling down notes about that than I did writing manuscript pages.

And I got down some pretty good stuff. (I think. I may change my mind when I reread it tomorrow.)

I should be feeling good, and yet….

I didn’t hit my word count, so that part of me that likes to plan and push is pretty bent  out of shape. It’s telling me I should stay up until I’ve written all of my words for the day. It’s voicing its disappointment, its displeasure. It’s basically telling me that I’m a massive failure. And did I mention it’s really insistent about forgoing sleep so that I tick off the “word count for day finished” box?

(On the plus side, I did write a scene that included Maggie mocking Jack Stern’s jacket, so the day wasn’t a total waste.)

Inspiration has worn me out. I’m going to bed, word count be damned!

Yesterday was a planned day off. I needed to take it easy and replenish.

I went to the gym, started reading “Living a Creative Life” by Eric Maisel and took a glass fusing class. Kind of a body, mind, spirit day.

I’m not an artist by any stretch of the imagination, but I like trying new things as a way to refill my creative well.

I went with a talented artist friend and she did a much better job than I ever could, but I still had fun. Here’s my un-fused bowl….I’ll share a picture of the finished project in a week or two.

Now I have 14 consecutive days of work scheduled.

Day one is done: I wrote eight pages of Hitwoman 19 and spent another hour working on character development for PCM.

Oh, and I scheduled with my fabulous editor to send her the manuscript soon.

Tonight I’ve got a rehearsal with my improve troupe. It can be challenging for me to change gears between planning out EVERYTHING with my work and living in the moment in improv, so I have to go meditate. 🙂